Humper, No Humping!

My dog humped another dog at the park today. Vigorously, I might add.

Having the one humping dog at the park out of fifteen others is always embarrassing but today my shame was magnified by the fact that he did it backwards. Diego, my sweet and adorable cockapoo, mounted another dog’s head and went to town on it.

I didn’t know if I should pull him off or correct him. I decided on the former but it didn’t matter any way because all the other dog owners were looking at me sideways like, “now where did he learn do to that?” As if face humping is some regularity that he’s observed in our household.

It was horrible and I don’t really know how I should handle it. It’s kind of like the whole debate about putting condom dispensers in high-schools: we don’t want teenagers having sex, but if they are going to do it, we want them to be safe. By the same token, I of course don’t want my dog thrusting his neutered little business in anyone’s direction, but if he’s going to do it, I at least want him to do it the right way! I don’t want people at the park thinking I’m some kind of deviant or anything, that I’m living some kinky lifestyle the observation of which has filled my innocent mutt with smut.

Or, perhaps they think he doesn’t know how to do it properly because we’re so oddly prim that he’s never observed any physical expression of love at all!  I don’t know which view is worse.

I wonder if I’ve been an irresponsible parent for not teaching my dog about the birds and the bees. Was I not supposed to send him out into the off-leash dog world without showing him the proper way to use his equipment?

I vaguely remember around the age of 13 my parents awkwardly giving me a “Where did I Come From?” book, but I don’t remember if they also gave one to our dog. I’m not sure if Brandy, our excessively overweight beagle, could have even mustered up the physical strength required to mount another dog at either end. So should I just be feeding Diego more to restrict his mounting capabilities?

As this is mine and my husband’s first dog on our own, and our first backwards humping incident, we are open to all suggestions. In the meantime, I think I’ll keep him on a leash at the park and try to casually bring up in conversation with the other dog owners that I myself am not really into face humping, but this in no way precludes the exhibition of love and tenderness in our home, both of which are present in a healthy, appropriate, non-fetish, non-prude, supply.

*Adorable photo of Diego courtesy of Piotr Organa at torontopetphotography.com