Oh, the places you may, or may not, go!

By
SadintheCity
– March 29, 2011

Dr. Seuss said I was going places. In fact, he guaranteed it. So far though I haven’t and that’s very difficult for me to come to terms with. I just don’t think it’s right for doctors to lie to children. How can I ever trust the medical community again?

I really believed it, too, when he told me that I had brains in my head and feet in my shoes, and that I could steer myself any direction I’d choose. But that’s not the way things really played out. I was too scared to steer myself the way I wanted to go and was too easily influenced by other people’s expectations. Now, after taking so much direction from others, I don’t even know where I am anymore. I don’t really remember from which road I came and feel paralyzed by indecision in deciding which way to go.

Despite all my hard work and all my ambitions, so far things have been pretty ordinary. I haven’t really gone anywhere significant and I haven’t really accomplished anything of consequence. I still haven’t tackled any of the big stuff that I always dreamed about. You know, like living in Paris and driving an orange Vespa.

Maybe I’m just not as brainy and footsy as Dr. S. thought? Maybe he got the diagnosis wrong when it came to me?

He did warn me that there may come a time when I’m in a slump, but I can’t seem to unslump myself. Right now, I feel condemned to that dreadful Waiting Place he talks about. I feel like I’m waiting for something, but I just can’t quite figure out what it is I’m waiting for. I think I need to keep telling myself I am on the cusp of something – the cusp of happiness, the cusp of success, the cusp of peace – so that I get up in the morning. When I look around me, it seems like there are so many amazing, talented and caring people, with so much potential, who are also just waiting –

Waiting for a better song on their iPod,
or the promotion they wanted, or a better job,
or a sign that says they should believe in God.

Waiting to hear they got that interview,
or for someone they love to say “I love you, too,”
or to finally meet their perfect mate,
or their partner to take them on a romantic date,
or waiting for themselves to ovulate.

Waiting for just the right song to say yes to a dance,
or to get the courage to take a chance,
or to change careers and take up art,
waiting for their lives to start.
Everyone is just waiting.

I’m so tired of waiting. I so want to escape all this waiting and staying. It’s impossible though to move out of this limbo if I convince myself that there is no way out! I am beginning to realize that no matter what the doctor orders, faith in myself is truly the only prescription that can be  filled. I have to believe in myself –

I have to believe that I will publish a book,
that my chapters will end with the perfect hook,
that I’ll learn to sew on a button and how to cook

I have to believe that I’ll learn how to whistle,
that it’s okay I won’t know anymore cases about wrongful dismissal,
I’ll see things in colour, not black, white and grey,
I’ll learn to enjoy each night and day,
I have to believe I’ll eventually find my way.

But, just like Horton, I’d love to hear a who,
if anyone has any ideas about what it is I should do,
I would absolutely love to hear from you.

 

What’s the exit number?

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