I’ve been looking for a way to get more exercise without joining a gym and with the announcement this week of the Lingerie Football League coming to Toronto, I can’t think of a better way to get into shape.
Granted, I don’t even like to stand in my underwear in front of our cat, but I doubt she’ll be able to make it out to games at the Rico Coliseum anyway so I don’t see this as being a problem.
I’ve had little traction exercising solo and it’s probably really motivating to be part of a team. I want to be surrounded by other cardio-seekers who can provide support and encouragement. So I told my husband I wanted to play but he said he thought this was a bad idea, which can only mean he thinks I’m fat. And really, I don’t have time for his negativity because tryouts are April 30th and league chairman Mitchell S. Mortaza describes them as “intense.” My competition is going to be extremely tough because most of the contenders are experienced athletes who played university-level sports. I myself haven’t been involved in organized sports since the grade nine volleyball team so I have a lot of catching up to do.
It’s not just my husband though that’s being really negative about the Lingerie Football League moving north. Dozens of media outlets have lodged the obvious complaints against the sport. Other writers have condemned the league for exploiting unpaid athletes and reinforcing gender stereotypes fed by heterosexual male desires. I appreciate these criticisms levied at the sport but firstly, I don’t mind not getting paid. I already don’t get paid a whole lot to write and writing is my life’s ambition-lingerie football is just a hobby! Secondly, I get the whole ‘playing sports in underwear is demeaning to women,’ but seriously, I think yoga-style skinny jeans are pretty demeaning to women too, but I don’t hear anyone protesting those. Maybe their tight jeans are cutting off their oxygen supply. I know mine are. In any case, I think being objectified would be really good for my self esteem right now.
I’m ready to take off my constricting jeans and tackle this challenge. I’m feisty, scrappy and determined. I grew up watching football with my older brothers and I wrestled with them on a daily basis. Despite once having been accidentally swung by my arms and legs right over “the sea” and landing on my back on the floor with a thud, I always begged them for more, so clearly I also have the IQ for football. One of my brothers also used to squeeze my whole face in his hand in a signature move called “The Claw,” and I know for certain that if I could handle the The Claw, I can definitely handle a bunch of girls running around in their underwear. So I’m totally ready. I’ve got what it takes to make it. Except, is there any girl out there who would come try out with me? I’m too shy to go alone.