I found a box in the basement with some childhood odds and ends and discovered an old cookie collection envelope from when I was a Brownie. I wasn’t a Brownie for long, my mother thought the uniform, topped with my blonde hair, made me look like Hitler youth. Definitely not a good look. Especially for a Jew.
According to this official envelope though, I was definitely a Brownie in 1988. Since my mom wouldn’t let me go door-to-door, not because she worried I would get kidnapped but that neighbours would feel obligated to buy cookies, my list of purchasers contained a few familiar names:
Mom = 2 boxes ($4.00)
Dad = 2 boxes ($4.00)
My brother Jason = 1 box ($2.00)
My brother Geoff = 1 box ($2.00)
Auntie Karen = 2 boxes ($4.00)
Granny = 1 box ($2.00)
I scan through the list scrawled in my eight year old printing. I am struck by my terrible handwriting. My best friend Sarit, a primary school teacher with saintly patience, often tells me she would fail me out of grade one with my current penmanship. “Don’t worry,” I tell my eight year old self, “the proliferation of word processors is coming.”
As I reach towards the garbage to throw out the evidence of my deficient childhood dexterity, something flutters to the floor. I reach down to find an old one dollar bill. I pick it up and notice for the first time the envelope’s thickness. I hold my breathe as I open it to find seventeen more one dollar bills, all paid to my eight year old self for cookies. Could it be? Did I really sell cookies and forget to give the money to the head Snowy Owl! My mind is reeling. I have stolen from the Girl Guides! This is a terrible accident.
At how many troop meetings did I sit around the toadstool as a delinquent Brownie? How many years now have I been guilty of illicit cookie conduct? And with the fruits of my crime sitting right under my disorganized nose?
I immediately vow to remedy my wrongdoing, make full reparations to the Girl Guides.
“It’s been 23 years,” says my husband, “I think the organization has managed.”
I shake my head. “I need to get it back to them.”
Luckily, it’s cookie-selling season and there’s a group of girls selling boxes at the subway station by our house. I make my way, my head held down, with the dirty money staining my pocket. I walk up to a little brunette, and with her chestnut fringe, she looks much less historically antisemitic.
I pull the bills out and hand them to her. “Just take it,” I say. “Here, please, just take it.” I turn to leave.
“Wait,” she calls after me, “Which cookies do you want? We have the original chocolate and vanilla now!”
I keep walking. “No cookies for me, thanks.” I can’t bear to confess my wrongdoings to this innocent, little scout. I don’t want her to know what some Brownie’s are apparently capable of.
“They’re nut free if that’s what you’re worried about.”
“No, no,” I say, “No nut allergy here.” Just felonious cookie appropriation.
“But you have to take the cookies!” her voice is rising. “We still have a couple boxes of chocolate mint left?”
I stop. I do love those chocolaty mint cookies. Just the right size and just the right sweetness.
“No,” I finally say resolutely, “No cookies for me.”
Walking home, I feel really good about righting my wrong from yesteryear and resisting cookie temptation. I could have let it go. I could have donated the funds to a more convenient cause or just kept the one dollar bills as a historic memento, written this off as the childhood accident that it was. But I didn’t. My eight year old sales proceeds are now rightfully with the organization. I breathe a sigh of relief.
Is there a badge for returning stolen cookie money?
Could have gotten a great bottle of wine for 18 bucks!
Wendy, I hate to say this (unless it prompts the subject for another Wendy essay on cookie-induced guilt), but if one assumes compound annual interest of just four percent, the current value of 18 1988 dollars is $42.65. I still admire your noble gesture, but it seems the Brownies are still in the red.
Since one dollar bills are no longer in use here in Canada, there is actually a good chance that they are worth more than their face value: http://cgi.ebay.ca/SEVEN-1973-CANADIAN-ONE-DOLLAR-BILLS-CANADA-/110686753313?pt=Paper_Money&hash=item19c571d221#ht_3721wt_932
They may owe me money!
ummm. . . do we still use dollar bills?
I am dyyyying laughing. This is H-Y-S-T-E-R-I-C-A-L!!!!
Fantastic, Wendy. Kudos for not walking away with a few boxes of chocolate mint. I don’t think I would have been so strong. Those things are awesome.
Thanks so much for the support Tova! Those cookies really are awesome and I generally eat my body weight of them every year. It’s a tradition I’m not proud of.
I’m glad you feel exonerated but, before your juvie record is fully expunged, I just want to clarify a minute little detail…did I ever receive the cookies I ordered? I keep a mental catalogue of all of the cookies I have ingested since age 5, and my records for 1988 are completely bereft of girl-guide confections, vanilla, mint, or otherwise. Come to think of it, I don’t remember any Brownies either.
By my calculations, you owe me 2.63 boxes of cookies – compound interest baby!
Interesting. I’ve been keeping a mental catalogue of every time I’ve tossed my cookies since age 5, but tracking them going the other direction sounds much better. You are way smarter than I and I defer to your records. Did I really keep the money AND eat the cookies??? I’m so sorry! This is getting worse and worse!
2.63 boxes will be delivered to you shortly. I can’t spend the rest of my life lamenting: ‘Out, out, damned cookie crumbs!’
Memories! I think we were brownies together back then…I don’t even think I went to more than a few meetings…I’m pretty sure I wasn’t cut out for being a brownie…do you think I stole tooo? Should I be giving money to some poor brownies and not taking cookies in exchange? I love the original vanilla…
Yes, I think we were Brownies together! You, however, probably gave in all your cookie money because you always have been way more organized than I am and much better at accounting. You also looked way hotter in the uniform.
Hi Sadinthecity! I’m a guide and I understand what happened…..And it was very nice of you to give it to the scout! I bet allot of other people would have used the money to buy something!! Thank you!
I see you share interesting stuff here, you can earn some additional cash, your blog has
huge potential, for the monetizing method, just type in google – K2 advices how to monetize a website