Unlocking the Secrets of Feng Shui

I just finished a book in which the thirty-something heroine was a feng shui consultant. She would go to people’s homes and rearrange their furniture to bring peace and harmony to their lives. She was “living” proof: having hung a picture here and lit a candle there in her own apartment, her bookings magically multiplied and she met the love of her life who just so happened to be a gorgeous, entrepreneurial billionaire who loves to paint.

Curiously googling the tenents of feng shui I started to feel really foolish. How could I have neglected this before? Looking around my house it was obvious that its chi was ALL wrong. My paint colours were totally expressing the wrong elements. Fire, earth, metal, water, and wood were present in entirely unbalanced proportions. And don’t even get me started on the flow!

Thank goodness I stumbled on this piece of chick-lit because it was clear that the only thing standing between me, publishing a book to critical acclaim, and eternal love with my husband, was where I put my couch. And my appliances. And all my bedroom furniture. Okay, there was a lot to be done and after thirty years of depression, anxiety and dreaming of writing professionally. I wanted to get started right away.

“I don’t want to alarm you,” I said to my husband, “but our energy meridians here are completely off.”

“Mm’hm.” He didn’t even turn his head from the computer screen. 

Things were even worse than I thought: the lack of metal in the west and
northwest area of our home were clearly impeding his mental clarity and focus.

I immediately began working through my feng shui tips:

Feng Shui Tips for Physical, Emotional and Spiritual Harmony

Tip No. One: Do not sleep with your feet pointing towards the bedroom door as the chi this way is too yang and causes sleep disruption. Some believe that this positioning brings about death, as dead people are carried away from their deathbed feet first.

Creepy. I surveyed our small bedroom where the foot of the bed is inches away from the door. I think about re-positioning it but to do so I would have to put one side of the bed against a wall which would violate feng shui tip number two.

Tip No. Two: A bed should be open on three sides to ensure equality in the sleepers’ relationship.

Moving the bed to comply with tip number one would result in my side of the bed being against a wall. Would there be a corresponding diminishment in my power in our marriage? I couldn’t take that chance and really, when I looked at it, only my husband’s feet that were in line with the door. Mine pointed to the dresser beside it. I  am much more risk averse than he so I figured I may as well leave things as they are and move on to the downstairs.

Tip No. Three: There should be no shoes in the hallway next to the front door. Chi travels with the wind which will pick up the scent of the shoes, dispersing it around the house and causing sickness.

I surveyed the line up of shoes on the mat that is directly perpendicular to our front door. The thing is though, we have no hall closet. And since our bedroom closet needs some empty space so that the chi in our bedroom can breathe and circulate, there is really no other place to put them. I hoped that this problem would be canceled out by tip number four.

Tip No. Four: The main staircase in your house should not face the main door as it leads to wealth and prosperity flowing downwards and out of the house.

I reasoned that if the energy flow was strong enough to carry out all our wealth, hopefully it would pick up the bad health vibes on the way and carry them out with it.

This is so easy!

It was time though to tackle the most important feng shui tip, the one that nourishes love and keeps the passion burning in a relationship.

Tip No. Five: You need to fix your love corner. The love corner is the southwest corner of your house and should have paintings of happy twosomes or objects in pairs in the love colours of red and pink.

I went to the florist up the street to buy pink and red peonies. I placed two in a really large vase filled with water. Who knows, maybe the amount of passion is proportionate to the size of the feng shui love object?

Balancing the flowers precariously on an inconvenient southwest ledge, my husband comes up behind me and gives me a hug.

He kisses my cheek. “This is kinda crazy. I really think you need to take it easy.”

I can’t believe it’s working already!

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