I have no idea how much money is in my bank account. I couldn’t even hazard a guess. I haven’t looked at my balance in years, I avert my eyes when using the ATM and aggressively decline a receipt on all transaction.
I have a business degree. From a really good school.
Nevertheless, this financial management system works for me. Despite what my income and mathematics suggest, for all I know, I’m rich! I could be right between Bill Gates and Warren Buffett on Forbe’s list of the world’s wealthiest people. Maybe even higher, I can’t say for sure.
I admire those people who keep detailed financial records and file the receipt for every pack of gum they purchase, but despite my best efforts, I just can’t live that way. I lack rigidity. In fact, the only thing I’m puritanical about is my vigilance in remaining totally unaware of my personal finances. I put money into savings every month, I just don’t know how much or in which institution. I have an RRSP, I just don’t know what’s in it. I assume my bills are being paid out of my account automatically because I still have hot water.
My highest mark at business school was in accounting.
Having never lived an extravagant lifestyle, with little drycleaning and travel, I figure my inputs exceed my outputs and just hold my breathe whenever I use my debit card. Like when I flush the toilet at other people’s houses.
“Approved,” says the debit card machine at a the register. This must be what it feels like to be Oprah!
Recently, though, circumstances have changed. My husband is looking for a new job making us no longer DINKs but OIODOC’s (one income, one dog, one cat) for the time being. Given his smarts, talents and cuteness in skinny ties, I know Stephen will find something fantastic, but in the meantime, I’m scared. Like so many families dealing with unemployment, I’m worried about our uncertain future. I’m frightened that we will never get comfortable, that the ‘i’ of our life will forever be dotted with struggle . I’m scared they’ll shut off our hot water. I love steamy showers.
Most troubling is the fact that I now have to break my guinness world record for longest period of wilful fiscal blindness and take a good, hard look at my finances. Except, I can’t remember the password to log into my bank account. I click on ‘forgot your password’ and am diverted to a security question: “whose your favourite literary character?”
Whatever happened to ‘what’s your birthday’ or ‘middle name?’ ‘Whose your favourite literary character?’ Who has a security question like that!?
“You do,” says the bank’s customer service representative, “you chose the question.”
I chose that question!? I’m left baffled. I have no idea who is my one, single favourite literary character. I love so many books!
“What genre are we talking about, here?’ I ask the customer service woman.
“There is no genre,” she says.
“Hmmmm, is it definitely from a book,” I wonder, “or could it be a character from a poem, like Wordsworth’s Lucy? I recognize she’s somewhat abstract, but ..”
“It’s not a guessing game!”
As I wrack my brain, trying to determine who I might have listed as my favourite character of all-time, I realize that I am far more preoccupied with my changing literary tastes than I am with my current financial woes. We might not be able to pay our hydro bill right now, but I’m intrigued by the fact that I can’t answer the question I chose so many years ago. Who could I have chosen? This is a big question. With so many different books over the years and so many amazing characters, I can’t believe I was ever so definitive. It inspires me to act definitively once again. And so I decide, right there on the phone, that whatever the balance is in my bank account, I am not going to worry. I’m just not. I am not going to let this situation cause friction in our relationship. My great grandmother used to say that you shouldn’t cry over anything money can fix. Money can fix this. In time, money will fix this. Until then, I am not going to use our strife as an excuse to give up on my writing. Things that are worth it take sacrifice.
“I can reset the question,” says the customer service rep. “So you can pick another one.”
“Will you at least tell me what the answer was?” I ask.
“It says here: “Estella.”
“Estella? The bitch from Great Expectations?”
What better sign that things change. Drastically.
Passwords and security questions the bane of online life. I’ve had to keep a journal for just such. But even then I forget to enter many new ones.
As to the money situation, I grew up poor and know what it’s like to go without hot water and power. I know how to live with or without. Mind you, like most folk I like with 🙂
Keep writing:)
All the best for your hubby’s new job search.
Elizabeth
I have all my passwords listed in a password protected file for which, obviously, I can never remember the password. Your journal method sounds far superior! Thank you so much for your well wishes!
Job loss can be an unsettling time and burying your head in the sand will not help. If you need, pour yourself some liquid courage and sit down together and take inventory of your expenses and the resources that you can tap into (such as employment insurance). Some people keep the same pattern of spending thinking that the next great job is around the corner. Others tighten the budget too much. I recommend that most people take a calculated approach – reducing their spending by 10% for every 3 months of unemployment. This will allow you to defer any bigger decisions (such as selling a car or finding alternate accommodations) for a while and give you time to get back on your feet. Hope this helps! Feel free to contact me (monique.madan@rogers.com) if you need.
Thanks for the information Monique, especially the prescription for some liquid courage!
I’m sorry . . .but I have to giggle. . .
Estella? Really? What year was that?
Not any time recently! I think teenage Wendy thought Estella was very Spice Girl. I’m fairly certain this makes me Nerd Spice. Do we know if that name is taken?
So Wends….it is time to go back to lawyering? or maybe you can become and accounting temp? That might be fun for a while and you are good at it 🙂
Nah, I think I’ll just keep writing a free blog. Tell me, what’s zero plus zero? Do I earn any compound interest on that?
I am happy to hear i am not the only one who gets anxious when I flush at someone else’s house!! Love reading your entries – they make me laugh!! Really great to see you in December and hopefully I’ll see you again soon when I am back in Toronto! Hope you and Susan are enjoying tasty warm soups (and cucumber water) at lunch!