Gorging on fast food can be guilt provoking, but all the more so when you do it while watching The Biggest Loser. Because that’s how it starts, right? First you’re eating a burger and fries on the couch and then the next thing you know you are standing in a sports bra in front of all of North America while someone screams repeatedly in your face that you’re a loser. I wasn’t a fan of the Socratic method in business school and I don’t think I would respond to being “called out” in the gym either. So I would rather it didn’t come to that.
I realized this last Tuesday when my husband was working late at the office. Being on my own for dinner, I went and got McDonald’s french fries and a chocolate milkshake.I am able to satisfy such a craving because I’m a grown-
up now and can make my own bad decisions. As someone who didn’t taste sugar cereal until she was 18, this is still very exciting. “Mom,” I yelled walking home with the greasy paper bag, “I’m having fries and a milkshake for dinner! Come and stop me!”
Despite my excitement, I started to feel sick eating in front of the television. It wasn’t the titanium dioxide or the cancer-inducing sulfates, either. I just can’t enjoy junk food when watching other people run half a mile while pulling a car strapped to their chest. These people are using hard work and determination to completely transform their lives and here I am using laziness and general malaise to douse mine in safflower oil! The juxtaposition was too unappetizing. I had to stop swirling my straw around the cup to get every last drop of shake and licking my finger to get fallen salt. It was just such a waste of good, bad food! If I’m going to eat a month’s worth of calories in one sitting than I should at least enjoy it.
So tonight I have a plan: I am going to repeat the menu, but this time I’ll be watching reruns of America’s Next Top Model. Those girls all look like they could use some fries, and they are so senseless that next to them I feel fierce no matter what I eat.
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Is it wrong that buying sugar cereal makes me feel like a grown up- forget that I have 2 kids that I mold with every decision I make- doing this feels powerful, but I still feel like a kid- but ringing through the Fruit Loops in at the check out? I seriously get giddy standing in the cereal isle- Lucky Charms? Frosted Flakes? Naw too much like the Corn Flakes my mom would buy- Count Chocula it is!! Hooray! And yes, French Fries are an acceptable food group. Have you ever met a fat French person?
Excellent point, Michelle! I’m off to buy Count Chocula. I’m pretty sure chocolate marshmallows are an acceptable food group too.
Thats how I feel while watching “Keeping Up with the Kardashians” in my pajamas. They are all in couture clothing and shoes and I am in my very best Old Navy pajama pants . . .from 2004.
My mothers mantra is “always look your best, you never know who you’re going to see”. . . so it always makes me feel the slightest bit guilty.
I should probably watch What Not to Wear in my pajama finery and then I wouldn’t feel so terrible.
Dag, I bet the Kardashians have nothing on you!
Our family are devoted fans of the Biggest Loser (‘BL’ as we like to call it). We always bake up a big batch of brownies to hoover down while we are watching The Last Chance Workout.
Of course, I ran in to work this morning and home again this afternoon: total round trip about 20k. There are benefits to being an ultra athlete.
Moral? You can expunge any sin if the penance is big enough.
sincerely
Your Biggest Fan
Chris, your athleticism never ceases to amaze me! You are a real superstar. I seriously needed a hit of ventolin just reading your comment.
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